Middle Earth's Nightmares
by TookMugwort
Summary: Took and Mugwort get into Middle-Earth. Warning about insanity. Sure, it's been done before, but this is VERY different. CHAPTER 6 ADDED!! Please R&R! PG for a few songs in here, a bit of fighting, and the chewing of Elf ears.
1. It All Begins

Disclaimer: We own nothing, nadda, zippo, zip, anything of the sort.  
  
WARNING: Carziness, hyperness, and evilness created this story. Nightmares are NOT the authors' faults.  
  
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A thriteen-year-old boy with red hair and green eyes titled back in his chair as he turned the page of "The Fellowship of the Ring". A fifteen- year-old boy sat next to him, tapping his head with a pencil in a vain hope to try to solve think up another line to his poem.  
  
"Nick?" the fifteen-year-old said, poking the red-haired boy on the shoulder.  
  
"John?" Nick snapped back. He put down his book after replacing the bookmark. "What?"  
  
"I need another line."  
  
"Read me some of it."  
  
"But when Battle calls, The warriors shape-up, And fight to dies. No man shy, Wounds bandage-up."  
  
"And dead men lie along walls?"  
  
"That's perfect!" John scribbled on the paper. Nick settled back into the book.  
  
"Wouldn't it be cool to get into Lord of the Rings?" Nick asked, still reading.  
  
"Ha! Done! In your face, Mrs. Strong! Huh? Nick, did you say something?" John asked, dancing around waving the paper.  
  
"Yes. I said, 'Wouldn't it be cool to get into Lord of the Rings'," Nick said, still not looking up from his book. John smiled.  
  
"Remember the Narnia incident with the closet?" Nick shuddered and closed the book.  
  
"Yes. Do you think..."  
  
"Yes!" Nick replaced his book in his bookbag and ran with John upstairs. John grabbed two empty bookbags and passed one to Nick.  
  
"We need to pack. I think we should also take a map," he said, shoving various pieces of clothing into his bookbag. Nick nodded and packed.  
  
Once packed (a few hours for John), Nick shoved aside the unpacked contents of his closet. John pulled open the stiff door and looked into the dusty space.  
  
They both stepped into. John's teeth ground together as the timbers creaked. They kept walking...and walking...and walking...and walking some more.  
  
"How much longer, whoa!" John said, dropping off an edge at the last moment. Nick didn't call out as he dropped, hearing the door slam behind them.  
  
-----*-----IN THE SHIRE-----*-----  
  
A hobbit, thirteen, fell painfully on his rear. His hair (all of it, feet and head) was red and his eyes sparkled green. He looked around and found himself outside Bag End with Sam. Gandalf had just reached out for Sam's ear.  
  
"Hey! Ouch! That hurts!" Tom (Nick) yelled as he was drug up to sill by Gandalf. Gandalf looked at him oddly and reached down, this time getting Sam's ear. Tom climbed through the window.  
  
"Who are you?" Frodo asked, looking oddly at the hobbit (who still had on blue jeans and a DARE T-shirt on).  
  
"I am Tombo Took. You are Frodo Baggins, son of Drogo Baggins and Primula Brandybuck. Primula's father is the brother of Pippin and Merry's parents. Pippin's mother is the daughter of Primula's uncle. Pippin's mother is the sister of Merry's father. Call me Tom," Tom said, making Frodo look worried at the new-comer who knew way too much for his own good. Tom turned to Gandalf (who was doing the whole eavesdropping deal). "And you are OlÃ³rin."  
  
"How did you know my real name?" Gandalf said, looking very pale. Tom cackled evilly.  
  
"I know much. Things that have been, things that are, and things that are to come." They all looked very worried.  
  
Blah blah blah, they go meet Tom Bombadil and Co., blah blah blah, go to Bree, meet Strider/Aragorn (who is also freaked out by Tom when he's called by his real name), blah-dee-blah, skip to Rivendell, the feast.  
  
-----*-----IN MIRKWOOD-----*-----  
  
*~*Nick is in The Shire, so where would an elf land? Mirkwood of course!*~*  
  
A blonde headed elf wandered through the forest, feeling out-of-place among so many dark-haired elves. A blonde elf-maid bumped into John. He apologized profusely. She laughed lightly, making him force himself to swallow the oncoming tide of drool.  
  
(N/n: Hahahaha! Johnny's in love! Hehehahaha!)  
  
(J/n: This will NOT become a Mary-Sue, I have reasons for this, you shall see *evil laughter*)  
  
(N/n: O.o)  
  
"I'm Nevgrodwen Starling. Call me Nev," she said.  
  
"I'm Jo-uh, Carancirithion Mugwort. Call me Caran," John (Caran) said. He smiled.  
  
Blah blah, he leaves, follows Legolas in the search for Gollum, goes to Rivendell.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
John: That's all for now. So, Nick, we're both in Rivendell?  
  
Nick: Yep. All those earssssssssssss........  
  
John: O.o Ruh roh, elves, RUN!!!! 


	2. Blood Is Shed...Kinda. Elrond Gets His ...

Disclaimer: Too lazy to type it again. John's gone off, so it'll be a while before we update again.  
  
WARNING: Carziness, hyperness, and evilness created this story. Nightmares are NOT the authors' faults.  
  
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-----*-----RIVENDELL-----*-----  
  
--*--Okay, Frodo woke up, this is set at the feast--*--  
  
'Hmm, wonder where that he-elf John is,' Tom thought to himself. He looked around and spotted his friend. He ran up the hall. John jumped back when there was a tug on his sword.  
  
"What?" he snapped. He gasped at the red-haired hobbit. "Nick?"  
  
"Tombo, John, I'm Tom Took now. And you are..."  
  
"Caranirithion Mugwort, Caran. I'm surprised you're not nibbling on my ears." Tom tapped the area where his head reached on Caran (who was short, for an elf), which happened to be his lower stomach.  
  
"Note to self: Never fight with Ni-Tom," Caran said outloud, to himself, noticing where the first punc from Tom would land if he DID fight with him. Tom laughed. They continued walking and talking of the events they'd witnessed down the hall to the feasting hall place.  
  
Tom sat next to Caran at the feast, closer to Elrond. He looked around and suddenly began drooling. Caran looked to his left (they were postioned so Elrond was on their right) to Haldor of the Grey Havens (it was Haldor, right?).  
  
"Are you an elf?" Caran asked carefully. Haldor looked at him and raised his left eyebrow in a very un-elf like way.  
  
"Of course, my good fellow," Haldor said. Caran nodded toward the hobbit.  
  
"He'll attack you."  
  
"Who? The fellow on the pillows?"  
  
"Yes. See the way he's looking at Glorfindel. He wants to chew on those ears of his."  
  
"Really? I thought he was gay and just attracted to Glorfindel."  
  
Caran bugged his right eye. Tom saw him and turned in his seat suddenly.  
  
"CARANIRITHION MUGWORT!" Tom yelled, using his friend's full elf name. Caran turned suddenly in his seat.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Always bug the LEFT eye." Caran agian bugged his right eye. He was corrected again, but this time bugged his left eye. Tom stood and patted Caran the head, but his hand slid down to the ears. He could no longer hold himself back. He put his teeth on them and chewed. Soon everyone was staring at them. Elrond cleared his throat and Tom sat back down, blushing like a beet root, but still drooled. Caran got up and excused himself to get a bandage for his ear, which was bleeding badly now.  
  
After he returned, a white bandage and dock leaf wrapped around his right ear, found the other elf next to Tom also having his ear chomped. Caran pulled Tom off and the elf ran off.  
  
"Sorry, Elrond, Arwen, my lord and lady," Caran said, smiling nervously. Tom's plate was still empty. To Caran's horror, he heard a pained Elvish curse from Glorfindel. He turned and saw Tom's seat empty. Frodo and GlÃ³in were laughing their heads off. Gandalf had, unfortunately, just taken a deep draught of wine and burst out laughing. He took out his handkerchief  
  
(J/n: How'd he get that, Nick?)  
  
(N/n: I put it there.)  
  
(J/n: o.O)  
  
(N/n: BUG THE LEFT!)  
  
(J/n: Sorry. O.o You disgusting person!)  
  
(N/n: Supreme Author Powers, NOT the way your mind's thinking.)  
  
(J/n: Ahhhhhhhhhh...)  
  
and wiped the wine off his beard and blew some out his nose (you know how when you laugh, sometimes drink comes out your nose?). Elrond wiped the side of his face. Glorfindel, who had taken the blast face on, wiped his face and got up to go get his ears wrapped. Elrond saw he was the next victim. The great elf-lord got up and ran, uncerimoniously tripped on his robe and falling flat on his face. Tom jumped on the elf and attack the ears with such vigor that even Gandalf had not seen. Gandalf was the first to stop laughing.  
  
"Mr. Took," he said his if-you-don't-stop-right-now-I-shall-turn-you-into- something-unnatural-very-soon way.  
  
"Yes, Gandalf?" Pippin said.  
  
"Yes, OlÃ³rin?" Tom said at the same time, looking up from his *cough* victim *cough*.  
  
"Not you Pippin, Tom. Tombo Took, get off Lord Elrond."  
  
"Yes sir," Tom said, gtting off the elf. Elrond looked horrified at the hobbit who had just finished demolshing his left ear. He lifted his hand to it and felt, feeling two holes from the hobbit's unusually sharpe canines and a chuck from the back missing. He got up and walked calmly out to bandage his ear. Caran had lept on top of Tom and was now sitting on his back, forcing him to do push-ups.  
  
(N/n: John really does this. Yes, yes, poor me.)  
  
Gandalf chided Tom and Caran (Caran for the FIFTY push-ups he forced Tom to do). They went off to their rooms.  
  
-----*-----IN NICK'S ROOM-----*-----  
  
Tom dug through his pack and exclaimed when he found something that resembled a large, flat book with words and instruments on it. He chuckled evilly.  
  
-----*-----IN JOHN'S ROOM-----*-----  
  
Caran flopped on his bed and started singing a random country song. He heard a knock on his door and allowed the person to come in. Glorfindel came in. John sat up and stopped singing. Glorfindel sat on the bed next to him.  
  
"Good sir elf, do you know how to ride?" Glorfindel asked.  
  
"Yes, Glorfindel," Caran said. It wasn't wholly a lie. He could ride English, but he had nearly forgotten.  
  
"Good. The lady Arwen requested to her father, Lord Elrond, for a ride on Asfaloth. I agreed for her to ride Asfaloth, but Lord Elrond said she required an escort and asked me to find you. I went off at once. So now that you have agreed, we'd best find you a horse and saddle and bridle." Caran nodded.  
  
"Dude, this guy can sure make some long-winded speeches. He sounds like Mr. Lee!" Caran thought to himself.  
  
Glorfindel got up and Caran followed his example. They headed out to the pastures.  
  
(J/n: okay, so I don't know if Rivendell actually has a pasture or stable. Too bad, in my mind it does.)  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Nick: That's all....for a while.  
  
John (dressed in a Hawaiin shirt, shorts, and floppies): Yep! I'm goin'!  
  
*John waves and picks up suitcases*  
  
*John's dad appears in room*  
  
John's Dad: C'mon, John, we need to go.  
  
*John and John's Dad walk out, leaving Nick alone*  
  
Nick: I feel so alone.  
  
*Nick leaves* 


	3. Arwen Rides, It is Uncovered, And The Fe...

Disclaimer: HA! I knew John had a phone! We actually spent about 3 hours talking (off and on, his dad kept making him hang up). We own nothing, definately not the Kingston Trio or The Beatles, except Nick's trombone and It.  
  
NOTES: JOP/n -- John Over Phone note  
  
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-----*-----RIVENDELL-the Council of Elrond-----*-----  
  
--*--Tom had found his...well, you'll see, and brought It. Caran's attempting (JOP/n: Hey!) to find a horse to ride--*--  
  
Tom looked around and pouted. There were twelve chairs on each side seperating him from the elves. He shrugged and drug a chair from beside and placed it in front of his chair. He flopped his large, furry feet (JOP/n: Hey, look! Alliteration!) on the chair in front of him. Elrond sighed and mumbled about how bad hobbit feet are for his chairs. Unfortunately, Tom heard him and glared, semi-hungarily, at Elrond. The Elf-lord touched his wrapped ear and smiled uneasily, showing Tom it was fine for him to have his feet on the chair. The Council began, all the Elves sounding slightly uneasy.  
  
'Wow, these guys can sure yak,' Tom thought to himself half way through the Council. 'Elrond hasn't taken a breath in five minutes! You'd think these guys were pearl divers or something.' The Council was coming to a conclusion (Sam had just appeared) when Tom jumped up on his "foot rest."  
  
"I'm going with those hobbits!" Elrond smiled and accepted, glad to get the danger out of Rivendell. Tom pouted. He didn't get his chance to use It.  
  
'Oh well, I'll get to use it on something or another. And there's always John,' the hobbit thought. 'In fact, to speak, err, think of it, where is that boy?' Tom got up, It under his arm, and trotted off to find John.  
  
--*--Outside, on some path, Arwen and Caran are on horses, Caran is having a bit of trouble--*--  
  
"Are you sure you can be my escort, Caranirithion?" Arwen asked, looking at Caran barely able to keep his seat.  
  
"Sure, yes, yes, I'm fine," Caran said, smiling nervously. Tom came running down the path, but stopped when he caught the sight of Caran.  
  
"Jo-err, Caran, get off that poor beast!" Tom yelled, laughing. Caran thankfully dismounted. "Arwen, ma'am, if I may, what in the name of Lee were you and Caran doing?" Caran glared Tom, screwing up one eye evilly.  
  
"We were going to ride. Father said I needed an escort," Arwen said. Tom smiled winningly.  
  
"I could go as you escort, fair lady." Caran's glare increased. Tom smiled wider, now aware he looked like a dope. Arwen smiled slightly and nodded for John to hand over his long knife (which Tom took gratefully) and help Tom mount. After readjusting the stirrups for the hobbit (Caran thanked Grant that Tom was a bit tall for a hobbit), Arwen and Tom set out.  
  
--*--WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, on the road!--*--  
  
Arwen laughed as she urged her mount on. Tom snarled, but urged his forward as well. Arwen darted around a corner and Tom gulped as he stopped his ride.  
  
"Arwen? Arwen?" Tom said as he got his horse to walk. Tom stopped and stared wide-eyed at the scene before him. "Aragorn! Arwen! Legolas! Glorfindel! Is this any way for three Elves and a Man to act?" Legolas attempted to hide the cards behind his back. Tom laughed. "Don't worry. I won't tell that old fusspot Elrond about you playing poker." Legolas thanked the hobbit. 'Blackmail material!' Tom thought happily. 'Who knows when I may have to use this.'  
  
"We must get back. Who knows what Father thinks you and I and Legolas and Glorfindel are doing out here," Arwen said with a laugh. Aragorn nodded and collected up the chips and cards. Tom smiled evilly and rode over to the Ranger as he was strightening up. He took out It and whacked Aragorn's head with it.  
  
"Hey-eth! Who did-eth that? And-eth why am-eth I saying-eth '-eth' after- eth every other-eth word?" the Man said, his eyes dancing with an inner fire fire. Tom held It aloft. Several papers fell out, which Glorfindel quickly collected, fearing for his voice's sake.  
  
"Behold It! The Band Folder of Doom, Destruction, Death, and the Curse of '-Eth'!" Tom said, laughing evilly. His voice had become suddenly deeper, as though he were speaking the Dark Tounge. He stood up in the stirrups and opened it, showing two thin books and many papers. "It is my band folder and it holds all the evil except" Tom threw out one of the thin books and two pieces of paper "the music of 'The Lion King', 'Mission: Impossible', and 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer'!" Tom accepted the papers that had fallen out and the ones and the book he thrown down from Glorfindel, after replacing them, he whacked Aragorn on the head again.  
  
"Hey! That really hurts! Stupid Halfling!" Aragorn said, but suddenly shouted for joy. "It's gone! It's gone! The '-eth's are gone!" He remounted his horse and, with the Elves, rode off. Arwen remounted her horse and they rode back to Rivendell.  
  
"Tom, you said that that...folder holds all the evil except the things you threw down. What exactly is it? Who made it? Does it have a sibling?" Arwen said, fascinated by the one thing that seemed to hurt her love.  
  
"It's my band folder, plain and simple. In a sense I made it, but just the name and the other stuff. Ms. Scouten, my band teacher, and my parents got the music, I put it in and filled out the notes. Some company made the folder itself. It does have a sibling, The Band Folder of Doom, Destruction, Death, and the Curse of '-Ith'. I also, in a sense, made that one."  
  
"Do they have shorter names? Who weilds your's sibling?"  
  
"Yes, they do. Mine's 'Eth' and Eth's sibling is 'Ith'. The other trombonist, Wi-" he paused. He dared not speak the other trombonist's real name. He snapped his fingers and finally spoke again. "Nob Proudfoot, weilds the other."  
  
"What is a trombonist?"  
  
"Someone who plays the trombone. A trombone is kinda like the Horn of Gondor, but made of brass and, well, come to my room after this ride and I'll show you." They rode the rest of the way. Arwen was amazed that this hobbit who last night had attacked her father, Glorfindel, and several other Elves.  
  
As Tom unsaddled his horse, Vilhelm (as he had dubbed the Elvish horse), he hummed the tune to "Penny Lane". Arwen looked over at the hobbit, now dancing slightly to the tune. He broke singing, he couldn't help it.  
  
"Penny Lane is in my ears and in my eyes," the hobbit sang. Arwen laughed as she took off Asfaloth's saddle. Tom put up Vilhelm's saddle, still singing, but a different song. Caran appeared in the stable to check that Tom didn't hurt anyone and joined Tom in the singing. This is the song they sung:  
  
We went one day, about a month ago-o-o-o,  
  
To have a little fun (yee-ha!), in Mexico!  
  
We ended up, in the gamblin' spot,  
  
Where the liquor and the dice were ho-o-ot!  
  
So here we are in the Tijuana Jail!  
  
Ain't got no friends to go our bail!  
  
So here we'll stay,  
  
'Cause we can't pa-a-ay.  
  
Just send out mail,  
  
To the Tijuana Jail!  
  
I was shootin' dice, rakin' in the dough (long green),  
  
When we he-eard that whistle blow.  
  
We started to run, when a man in blue,  
  
Said, "Senors, plase come wit me, 'CAUSE I YOU!"  
  
So here we are in the Tijuana Jail!  
  
Ain't got no friends to go our bail!  
  
So here we'll stay,  
  
'Cause we can't pa-a-ay.  
  
Just send out mail,  
  
To the Tijuana Jail!  
  
Just five hundred dollars, and they'll set us free,  
  
But I couldn't rise a penny, if you threatened me  
  
I know five hundred don't sound like much (si),  
  
But just try to find, somebody to touch!  
  
So here we are in the Tijuana Jail!  
  
Ain't got no friends to go our bail!  
  
So here we'll stay,  
  
'Cause we can't pa-a-ay.  
  
Just send out mail,  
  
To the Tijuana Jail!  
  
Arwen was entranced by the song. Caran pushed himself off the door frame, which he had been laening against, and helped Tom take off Vilhelm's bridle. Arwen confronted the hobbit as he tried to hang up the bridle.  
  
"What was that song you were singing? What is Tijuana Jail?" she asked. Tom gulped, knowing he was being found out. He quickly made up something that sent John into a fit of snickering. He just nodded and smiled--and snickered.  
  
"Okay, Caranirithion, why don't YOU explain to Lady Arwen about Tijuana, if you find it so amusing," Tom growled angirly. Caran shook his head and bent down to whisper something in the hobbit's ear. Tom nodded and smiled as the Elf whispered. Tom took Vilhelm out to graze then turned and ran off, following Caran.  
  
Arwen smiled as she took Asfaloth out to graze. 'What a strange friendship indeed. Odd songs from the mouths of both of them. I do hope Elrond will send Caran with that Hobbit,' she thought. She noticed a small, stout, orange chestnut pony grazing in the field. 'Bill, what a strange pony. He seems quite happy here.'  
  
The two months in Rivendell passed, a torture for the Elves, except Arwen and Caran, who had to constantly keep watch on Tom. As the Fellowship set out, Caran came racing and lept on the closet figure.  
  
"Get off me, you...you...ELF!" the figure shouted. Caran slid off his back and noticed it was Aragorn. "What were you doing, clinging to my back like a leech?"  
  
"It's...it's just that I don't want to be left in Rivendell," Caran said, trying to sound innocent. He noticed his Hobbit friend up ahead, whistling the tune to "Hey Jude". He ran up to the Hobbit and noticed Frodo not too far ahead, talking to Merry. Caran tapped Tom on the shoulder. "Can I join?"  
  
"You'd best ask the old geezer, I mean Gandalf. And Frodo. And probably Legolas, I don't know how he'd react to another Elf. And Gimli. In fact, you should talk to everyone," the Hobbit said. Caran ran lightly and asked to wizard to call a halt. The Elf explained about why he wanted to come and showed off his nice blade.  
  
"Leave it to the ring-bearer," the Hobbits, Boromir, and Legolas said. Gandalf turned to Frodo.  
  
"I say we take him!" Frodo said, the last word setting Caran and Tom to get up and dance around. Tom suddenly burst out singing, his voice deep and creamy.  
  
The Fellowship stared oddly at the Hobbit. Indeed his song was strange. Yet, Pippin had heard it before and joined in, soon followed by Caran and Merry. By the second round all of them were singing. Song? Oh, yes, you'll want to see the words of the song.  
  
Hang down your head, Tom Dooley,  
  
Hang down your head and cry.  
  
Hang down your head, Tom Dooley,  
  
Poor boy you're bound to die.  
  
I met her on the mountian,  
  
There I took her life.  
  
Met her on the mountian,  
  
Stabbed her with my knife.  
  
Hang down your head, Tom Dooley,  
  
Hang down your head and cry.  
  
Hang down your head, Tom Dooley,  
  
Poor boy, you're bound to die.  
  
Hang down your head, Tom Dooley,  
  
Hang down your head and cry.  
  
Hang down your head, Tom Dooley,  
  
Poor boy, you're bound to die.  
  
This time tomorrow,  
  
Reckon where I'll be.  
  
If it hadn't been for Grayson,  
  
I'd a-be in Tennessee.  
  
Hang down your head, Tom Dooley,  
  
Hang down your head and cry.  
  
Hang down your head, Tom Dooley,  
  
Poor boy, you're bound to die.  
  
This time tomorrow,  
  
Reckon where I'll be,  
  
Down in some lonesome valley,  
  
Hangin' from a wide oak tree!  
  
Hang down your head, Tom Dooley,  
  
Hang down your head and cry.  
  
Hang down your head, Tom Dooley,  
  
Poor boy, you're bound to die.  
  
Tom chuckled. "We could very well beat the Kingston Trio at their own songs!" Caran shot him a death glare. That earned him a whack with Eth and the strange case Tom was carrying. Aragorn noticed the case for the first time.  
  
"What strange weapon is that, little one?" Tom smiled widely and, with a little help from Pippin, took out a slide (a trombone one), the bell of a trombone and the rest of the tubing, and, after quickly putting those together and screwing them, a mouthpiece. He placed the mouthpiece in the open end of the slide and, as Pippin handed the case to Caran for him to close and secure, blew one note. Boromir laughed and took his horn out.  
  
"Quiet, both of you! Horns are not for play," Gandalf said. Tom smiled and put his trombone in rest position (not on the leg, but on the right side of his body). And they walked...and walked...and walked...and walked some more until they (finally) reached Hollin. Legolas and Caran were glad to see the sun. Tom was glad to see Elf ears. He licked his lips and set about cleaning his trombone (which he had put back) and deciding which Elf to attack. He decided on Legolas. Royal ears must taste good.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
What will the future bring? Definately some pained Elf ears of the Prince of Mirkwood. Go ahead, force Took to do push-ups! Perhaps Tom actually singing a normal-ish song (Kingston Trio is kinda folk-ish, excellent music though, if you haven't heard them you need to). Whatever it is, it will have to wait until either Sunday or until Mugwort can manage to find a phone that doesn't dsconnect every five minutes. 


	4. Legolas Gets Attacked, Legolas Gets In A...

Disclaimer: We don't own the Fellowship, Took want Bill, but I do own the name Caranirithion Mugwort, Tombo Took, and Gralin Brasslaughter of Ori's line. You'll meet Brass.  
  
NOTES: JOP/n -- John Over Phone note  
  
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-----*-----Hollin-----*-----  
  
--*--Legolas is taking his watch, the rest are asleep, except Tom--*--  
  
A slight drool of hunger formed on the young Hobbit's lips as he watched the Elf on watch. Moving silently, so silently even the keen ears of the Elf could not detect it, he was behind the Elf. The light of the moon outlined the ears. Tom licked his lips and sprang. If anyone else had been awake and seen him, they most likely would have yelled, "Look! Up in the air! It's a bird! It's an Elf! No, it's Tom Took!" Legolas turned, but it was too late for the Prince. Tom had gotten him.  
  
The Elf's muffled, pained woke Gimli. The Dwarf grunted and put a firm hand on Tom's waistcoat, dragging him off the Elf. Legolas came up, his face was covered in ground and leaves stuck out of his hair every which way. Legolas glared at the Hobbit and Dwarf. Seeing the Elf ear eating (JOP/n: Oo! Lotsa alliteration!) Hobbit, he put a hand to his right ear. Finding no blood when he brought it down to inspect it, he felt something trickle down his then down his back. He felt his left ear and, before he even looked at his hand, he knew it was bleeding.  
  
'Why can't that other Elf wake himself?' Legolas thought angirly, staring at Caran (who was curled up, wrapped in his own blanket, at the end of Tom's blankets). Legolas was still amazed that a non-Elf, a Hobbit at that, could sneak up on him, Prince of Mirkwood (N/n: Vain, ain't 'e?). Tom crawled back sleepily to his blankets, smiling widely as he snuggled under the blanket. Caran stirred slightly when he felt Tom's feet under the blanket, but did not wake. Gimli smiled and chuckled.  
  
"Bestfriends, don't you agree, Legolas?" Gimli said. Legolas began to snarl slightly at the Dwarf, but caught himself.  
  
"Mayhap, mayhap not. You've seen them go at each other."  
  
"Indeed. Now, you may as well get some sleep, MASTER Elf." Legolas winced at the "master" part (N/n: "master" is the title for a little boy, mwehehehehe), but nodded and went to his blanket. Tom mumbled something in his sleep, something that sounded like "Mmmmmm, Elf ears...need more." Legolas gulped, but closed his eyes and slept.  
  
Morning crept in and saw Aragorn sitting, watching the almost dog-like Elf. Gimli was sitting, sharpening his axe. Tom was asleep on his face and appeared to not be breathing. Legolas was up a tree, his blanket dangling down, for fear of Tom. Sam was walking around groggily, looking for Frodo (who had disappeared under his blanket when Merry had slapped his face during the night).  
  
Caran snarled when Sam tripped over him. He opened one eye and bit the leg that held the foot buried in his side. Sam leapt backwards and ended up hitting Aragorn, knocking them both over. Gimli laughed heartily, making Boromir wake. Boromir flopped over.  
  
"Buuuut, Daddy, I don't want to get uuuuuuuup," he whined, sending everyone up into a fit of laughter. The laughter woke Tom and Caran. Caran uncurled and streched like a dog waking up in front of a nice, warm fire. Tom sprang up and grabbed his shirt and waistcoat (a hand-me-down from Sam, who did not approve of Hobbits running around with jeans and T-shirts). Tom looked around angirly for his pants (BOXERS people, he had BOXERS on, so don't get any ideas). Caran snickered and pointed up the tree Legolas was in. There they hung, the branch above Legolas. Tom bit Caran's hand, put on his shirt, and began to climb. He got to the branch Legolas was sleeping on. Legolas was quite a sight at the time.  
  
His left ear, side of face, shoulder, and back had dried blood on them (from the ear chewing). His hair still had leaves in it, but his face was cleaned of earth. Using the Elf's shoulder as a step stool of sorts, Tom easily made it to pants. Grabbing them, he scurried down the tree.  
  
By the time Tom was down, everyone on the ground was up. Pippin had found a Nurti-Grain bar on the ground, which had fallen from Tom's pocket, and was happily opening the wrapper. Tom lept on the older Hobbit and took HIS Nurti-Grain bar. The complaints from Pippin (under Tom) woke Legolas.  
  
"Nassssty, nassssssty older peoplesssesss. Alwayssss taking MY preciousssss. Yessssss, we hatesss them Tooksssesssss, yessss, indeed we do, gollum," he said, causing all who had hunted the slimy creature to look his way. Tom shurgged as he pulled up his pants. "What?" he asked through a mouthful of Nurti-Grain. They shook their heads and mumbled about possibly going insane and The Voices. Tom buttoned his waistcoat.  
  
Caran rumaged in his pack and brought out a can, which was immediately snatched by Tom. The Fellowship watched as Caran chased Tom around, attempting to get HIS can back. Finally, after a good hour of chasing, Caran lept forward and landed on Tom. Happily drinking the contents as he sat cross-legged on his "friend's" back, he got the Halfling to do fifty push-ups (again).  
  
After that was done, they broke camp and walked.  
  
TIME FORWARD, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee  
  
--*--The Caradhras, when Legolas is going to set out--*--  
  
"--or snow, you want an Elf,"  
  
(A/n: It may a little off, but it's close to the end of it)  
  
Legolas said, proudly. Caran looked up and smiled.  
  
"Indeed, friend Legolas, but as you can see, we are two Elves. Though I may be clad heavier, we are equal in strength. So, I'll say this: in the words of someone famous, bring it on!" Caran said, bringing up his fists. Legolas reached for his dagger. "Blades will be of no use here. Seath thy blade!" Legolas removed his hand as Caran let fly a punch. Legolas dodged it.  
  
"Fight! Fight! Fight!" came the cheer from behind Caran. He chuckled and looked over his shoulder at his friend, but still darted from a punch thrown by Legolas. The other Hobbit soon caught the chant. Before long, there were five small, yet loud voices yelling "Fight! Fight!" It decreased to three as Pippin and Tom, now close as brothers, began making bets who would win.  
  
Soon Gimli joined and Gandalf, to his surprise, almost began. The wizard caught himself and coughed as Caran actually punched Legolas (cuffed his ear, he did). Legolas lept on Caran, throwing off his belt (with the scabbard), quiver, and bow. Pippin looked at Tom and smiled.  
  
"See? I told you. Legolas'd come...ooh, he's gonna feel that tomorrow. Maybe Caran WILL win," he said. Gandalf and Tom had to pull the Elves off each other. We'll leave it up to you to decide how they looked, but Caran won.  
  
"Legolas, get going," the aged wizard said. Legolas nodded and ran off.  
  
TIME FORWARD (again), whoooooooooooooooooooooo, ooh, not feeling too good ::grabs sick bag::  
  
--*--outside Moria--*--  
  
"Ooh! Ooh! OlÃ³rin! Ooh! Pick me!" Tom shouted, jumping around gleefully waving his hands in the air. "I know! I know what it says!" Gandalf sighed, shook his head, and turned to the overly bouncy Hobbit.  
  
"Fine, fine what does it say?"  
  
"Speak 'friend' and enter." Gandalf nodded. Boromir threw the rock in and he got the whole Frodo speech thing. Tom ran up with his "staff" (a Hobbit- sized stick he'd found in Rivendell which had only, up till now, been used to whack John on the head) and tapped the star near the center. "Mellon!" The gates opened just as the Watcher went to grab Frodo. The arm shot out and grabbed Caran's winter coat. Caran shrugged, but soo the Watcher wrapped its tentacle around Caran's neck. While his face was turning shades (Tom was enjoying this part), Legolas leapt and hacked away at the tentacle. The tentacle retreated, but twenty some more came bursting out of the water. Caran ran, Tom ran, the whole Fellowship ran. As the doors slammed, Caran turn, put his thumbs in his ears, streched out his finger, stuck out his tongue, and waved his hands back and forth. A peice of stone hit him in the head (A/n: that did really happen once, the stone in the head).  
  
M'kay, forward again, no "wheeeee"s this time 'cause it's making us poor authors sick  
  
--*--In Balin's tomb, when Gimli is being sober--*--  
  
Sniffling caused the Dwarf, who was sqauting down in memory of his dear cousin...uncle...RELATIVE. Caran smiled and wiped a tear from his eye. Gimli gave him a look that said "What the Mordor are you crying, Elf?"  
  
"He owed me money!" Everybody looked at him, Tom cocked an eyebrow. "OKAY, so maybe NOT, but he was cool. And I always wanted to say that." Tom laughed and joined Gimli in the sober silence. Pippin was being attracted to the well, along with Caran.  
  
They edged toward it, Caran humming "John's Very Own Personal Theme Song Only To Be Hummed, Sung, or Played on the Tuba by John Himself". Caran dove, attempted a sumersault in the air (N/n: hehe, I'd love to see him actually suceed in one), and dove on the ground. A resounding crack shook the walls. "I'm okay!" he said, sounding pained. Caran stood up, still humming, and found a good sized rock. Pippin had also found one. They let them drop down the well.  
  
"Ooh! Purdy noise!" Caran said, his eyes wide. Then came the drums, causing the friends to jump up and say "doom!" everytime the drums did. They broke into a fit of laughter when Caran screamed, "Hey! Andy's on the drums!" (A/n: Andy's a kid in Nick's band class, he plays percussion, but he played tuba last year [and was Davis good at it]). Tom took his bow (hey, there had to be some brains behind atleast one bow), still chanting as before, and put an arrow on the string. Caran drew his sword.  
  
"Close and wedge the doors!" Aragorn and Tom yelled at the same time. Gandalf told them not to wedge the East door.  
  
"They've got a cave troll!" Caran and Boromir yelled as before. The Men glared at the semi-new-comers, it was just unnatural for these males to know what they were going say and when.  
  
They attacked. The Fellowship ran up the stairs, Tom at the end shooting arrows as the Orcs attempted to follow. Whenever he shot shot, he'd shout "Boo-ya! One for Tookie!" until he finally lost his voice.  
  
Blah dee blah, they say "Hello" to the Balrog, Gandy falls, they all run out (Tom shouting "Seeya later, OlÃ³rin!"). They reach Lothlorien.  
  
"That Dwarf breathes so loudly we could have shot him in the dark," Haldir said, sneering. Tom chuckled.  
  
"That's not all he does loudly," Tom said as Caran nodded vigorously.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Whoa, that was long. John's phone ACTUALLY stayed connected all that time. Amazing...purely amazing. Now we must get through Lorien in the books (and/or see the movie again). Did you make it through and like it? REVIEW! The little button down there is getting dusty. 


	5. A-Swimmin' in the Mirrormere, Tom's Fear...

Disclaimer: Why should we re-type this? Elvish is shown between '" and "' Also, this goes back a bit, beginning at the Mirrormere (we left off in Lothlorien)  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
-----*-----Durin's Stone Thingy-----*-----  
  
Gimli took Frodo off to the stone thingy above Mirrormere. Caran and Tom follow.  
  
When they reached the Stone, Caran broke out laughing. Gimli grunted indignatly, Frodo stared, and Tom broke out in a fit of coughs. Gimli grunted again, this time louder. Caran laughed some more, caught his breath, and explained, all the while Tom was coughing.  
  
"Once Tom was chased by a deer. At a place that looked just like this. It was funny, yes, yes, very funny! The look on his face was priceless," the Elf tried to explain. Tom had finished coughing long enough to glare at Caran. Gimli shrugged and turned back to the water.  
  
A splash drenched the three gazers. Tom looked to the left and gulped visibly when he saw his friend's garments lying on the bank. Something to the effect of "Woo-hoo-oo!" came from the Elf in the water. Swimming to shore, he climbed up and lay on the bank (in his boxers, sick minded folks). He sucked in breath as Tom began to follow his suit, pulling his shirt over his head.  
  
As Gimli cursed at them for swimming in the Mirrormere, he felt a tug on his beard. He toppled forward into the water, fully dressed. Frodo was laughing on the bank, when he too was pulled into the water. Gimli climbed on the bank and removed his clothes, leaving only his pants on. Frodo climbed out, shaking and drenched. He stared at the Dwarf, Elf, and Hobbit swimming happily around in the Mirrormere. Aragorn came down and stared in horror at the people enjoying, forgetting the fact the Gandalf had just fallen into shadow.  
  
"Caran...Caran, oh, quit it! Caran Mugwort, Tombo Took, Gimli...Gimli...Gimli son of Gloin! Get back on land! And, for Gondor's sake, put more clothes on!" the Ranger called. Tom laughed and swam toward Aragorn. The Man lept with the grace of an Elf as the Dwarf attempted to drag him in. He saw Frodo, still panting on the bank.  
  
Tom climbed back on bank and pulled his pants, shirt, and waistcoat on. He searched around for his glasses, muttering under his breath. He found them and put them on. By that time Gimli and Caran had come to the bank and were fully dressed. They all followed Aragorn.  
  
They continued on their journey to the Nimrodel. Aragorn gave them a stern look, as if to say: "No! No! And no once more! No swimming!" Caran smiled.  
  
Legolas sang his song...or tried to. Of course Caran and Tom had to break out laughing at the whole diving into the sea part. Legolas somehow managed to finish his song. Before he could even tell the Fellowship to cross, Caran was running through the stream with Tom close on his heels. The others passed, Aragorn cursing quietly. When they reached the trees, the laughter from the trees caused Caran to stagger backwards, knocking himself and Tom down. Then Tom knocked down Pippin, then Pippin Legolas, then Legolas Aragorn, then Boromir Sam, then Sam Frodo, then Frodo Gimli, then Gimli hit his head on a rock. Legolas was the first to get up, so he actually got to talk to the Elves.  
  
"...They also say you breathe so loudly that they could shoot you in the dark," Legolas transualted. Tom and Caran began laughing. "What is it now?"  
  
"It's just that...Sam's not even breathing!" Tom managed to get out between bursts of laughter. A ladder came down, which Caran scurried up with Sam under one arm. Legolas, Tom, and Frodo followed.  
  
In the tree, Haldir introduced himself. Caran pointed to the Hobbit, who was still not breathing.  
  
"I think someone should do something. I mean, not breathing is bad. And he's changing colors now," the Elf said. Frodo nodded.  
  
'If I ever have to go to Mordor without anyone else but Sam, and if Sam's...well, dead, then I'd be stuck with a lunatic," Frodo thought, shuddering. Haldir looked at the unconcious, semi-dead Hobbit.  
  
'"Choking perhaps. No, seems to be a head injury. No, it's not the scratch. Legolas, what happened?"' Haldir asked, looking at Legolas.  
  
'"Ask the Hobbit. And the other Elf. They know all about it. It's their fault. Maybe you could also blame it on Frodo and Boromir. I always say it's dangerous for a Man to knock a Hobbit down,"' Legolas answered.  
  
'"Indeed. Well, let us have a look."' Haldir looked at the Hobbit and smiled. '"Simple enough. Someone get some water. Cold mind you."' An Elf went down the ladder and came back with a bit of water. Haldir threw it on Sam, who immeadately woke up with a start.  
  
"Where am I? Why does my head hurt? Where's Mr. Frodo?" Sam said quickly. Tom chuckled now that he'd found yet another way to annoy his siblings, when he got back. For now Caran would have to do.  
  
Sam and Tom scurried back down the ladder, just to have to climb up it again. Caran followed, refusing to sleep with the "Snorers" (Aragorn, Boromir, and Gimli. Can't you just imagine them snoring?). Caran took off his Elvin boots. The Hobbits began to cough and choke. Caran looked at them.  
  
"What?" he said innocently. Tom gagged.  
  
"Your...feet," Tom managed to splutter out. Caran snickered.  
  
"Are you trying to say that your feet don't stink after gym?"  
  
"No...yes...maybe." They laughed. "Hey, Caran, look at this!"  
  
"What? Oooooooh! (a la lil' Toy Story aliens)"  
  
"I've got a hole in me pocket!" They started laughing again. Tom streched and lay on the ground. Caran curled up at Tom's feet, using the Hobbit's legs as a pillow. Sam smiled and nodded.  
  
"Just as Gimli said, Mr. Frodo. Bestfriends," he said, turning to Frodo. Frodo nodded. The others lay down and soon were asleep. Frodo drifted into an uneasy sleep.  
  
He woke to find Caran and Tom doing...well, something. Light bounced off something as Tom scrounged through his pack. He held some shiny aloft. Tom had an evil smile on his lips and Caran had the look of the devil. Sam was snoring softly. Caran and Tom talked in whispers and nodded. Crawling over to the sleeping form of Merry. They poked and prodded the Hobbit, only to find him fast asleep. Tom nodded and took a large roll of duct tape. He began taping the unsuspecting Merry.  
  
When morning dawned, Caran and Tom were sleeping soundly. Pippin got up and streched. Sam and Frodo soon followed. But Merry was duct taped into and under his blankets. Tom looked at Caran, nodded, and high-fived him. They smiled and Caran drew his knife. He walked over to the Hobbit and carefully took the duct tape off his mouth. Merry wriggled and groaned in pain. Tom joined his friend with a knife. The cut the duct tape. Sweat glistened on their brows as they worked. Merry looked terrified.  
  
When he was free, Merry ran to the edge of the flet. He was prepared to jump, fearing who had stuck him to the ground, when Tom grabbed the back of his shirt. Merry reluctantly stopped trying to kill himself and went down the ladder.  
  
When they were on the ground, Tom turned to Caran. He tapped his head rapidly saying, "Crazy Hobbits." (if anyone's ever read an Asterix and Obelix comic, you'll get this).  
  
Haldir came to greet them with news. Tom chuckled when Haldir reported that there had actually been no orcs, just a little...thing.  
  
--*--time forward! Whooooooooooooo-hoooo-hoooo! They are at the gate that they get blindfolded--*--  
  
'Blindfolded,' Caran thought to himself. 'Blindfolded and hyper. This is trouble. Wonder if Lothlorien has food. Hopefully it's not another place with all guys ruled by a most likely gay lord. No, Celeborn can't be gay. He's married. Hey...that means girls...' On the shorter side of things, Tom was pondering more serious things.  
  
'If we left Aragorn alone, would he become the Lone Ranger?' Uh, did I say important. Yes, I did. Uh....his priorities are mixed. (N/n: Hey! Okay, this earns you five whacks). 'About that mirror...will Galadriel in the movie? Will she freak out? Hopefully not...wait, maybe it'd be a good thing. No, then there won't be any gifts except for Frodo's phail.' They walked until night, leaving Tom and Caran to their ponderings.  
  
Late that night, about one, Caran felt a foot on his side. He woke and looked, well attempted to look, at the person who had stepped (it felt more like hopped) on him. Tom's muffled, pained cries reached Caran's ears. Caran bared his teeth and snapped at the foot in his side. Tom yelped and Caran shuddered at the taste of dirty hair. He grunted slightly, then rolled over (you know? like a dog in front of a warm fire). Tom muttered and sat down, rubbing his bitten foot.  
  
"Wonder if John's poisonious," he said out-loud. Tom shrugged and crawled over to his blankets. He rolled himself in one and immeadately fell asleep.  
  
A kick in his side woke Tom in the morning. He opened one eye, but (still being blindfolded) saw nothing. He waves his hands in front of his face. "I'm blind! It's finally happened! I knew getting glasses was a bad sign. And...I'm blindfolded," the Hobbit began screaming, but ended in a I'm-a- total-idiot tone. He pondered getting out of his blanket...but it was so warm. He grabbed Caran's boot and kinda...slugged along.  
  
About half way through a day of hard slugging for Tom (Caran took off his boot as soon as he discovered his "friend" hitching a ride), they finally reached a place to rest. An Elf tripped over the panting Tom/blanket. Tom came out and was ambushed by Caran. The Elf quickly untied the blindfold and ran off like someone who's just taken the blindfold off an alligator. In his tree, he looked down on Tom.  
  
"Hisssssss, light! Hiss! Hisssss!" the Hobbit said. He hissed then retreated into his blanket, having to re-roll himself. Suddenly the blanket leapt in the air (J/n: please don't ask, he does it alot...usually lands on the floor though, broke his glasses once)(N/n: shut up) and a muffled shout came from under it. The blanket flew off the Hobbit, making him hiss quietly at the sun again. Tom scampered up a tree. Caran climbed up after him.  
  
"Took! Git yer 'ide down 'ere!" the Elf yelled in a horrible, fake accent. Laughter came from above. A hard object hit Caran on the head. He rubbed his head and grabbed a large, hairy foot that was dangling. Pulling on the foot, he brought himself and Tom crashing down to the ground.  
  
"What was that for, Caranirithion?"  
  
"Why must you use my full name?"  
  
"Because, I like big words. Like 'uncopywritable. Or 'Caranirithion'. Or 'Tom Bombadil'. Or 'Loth-'"  
  
"Mr. Tom, sir, begging your pardon, but 'Tom Bombadil' is two words," Sam corrected.  
  
"Too bad. If you say it fast enough, it sounds like one word. Anyway, what WAS that for Caran?"  
  
"They want to see us."  
  
"But...I don't want to see the scary peoples! She might meet my voices. And my muses. And I KNOW she'll kill poor Lurtzie. And Cirinirithion. Just because Cirin's a bit of a...f-r-e-a-k." The hobbit continued on in that manner until the Men were on their knees, the Dwarf had his fingers in his ears and was humming a drinking song, and the Elves and Hobbits were rolling on the ground in agony. Tom drew a deep breath and finished his speech. Caran got up holding his head. Soon the others did also.  
  
They continued into to the gate of the city. Half way there, Caran got bored and started rumaging through his pack. He pulled out two books, one was a thin, hard-backed, red book that had a picture of a wizard on the front as read "The Enchanted World" "Wizards and Witches" and the other a semi-thick, soft-cover, off white that read "The Two Towers". Caran handed the thinner book to Tom, who opened it and egearly began reading about demons/imps. Tom tapped Haldir on the shoulder.  
  
"What?" Haldair asked, slightly annoyed.  
  
"Does anyone here have a silver ring?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Scrolls?" Tom pointed to some text, which Haldir read.  
  
"No."  
  
"Pepsi?"  
  
"Yes, I mean, NO!" Tom sighed and went back to his reading.  
  
By the time they'd reached the white gates, Tom had finished the wizard book and was having an avid conversasion with Pippin about the reasons Gandalf and the other wizards of Middle-Earth weren't in there (Pippin has read the book after Tom). Haldir brought them in the gates and into the hall of Galadriel.  
  
~~*~*~~  
  
"I know who you are, Tombo Took!" a voice rang in Tom's head.  
  
"And I know who you are, where you live, and what you did last summer! Mwhahahahahahahaha!"  
  
"Smart a-"  
  
"Don't. No cursing, crazy queen elf lady."  
  
"Fine, evil crazy author hobbitish boy!"  
  
"Shut up. Quiet."  
  
"No."  
  
"I know what you did last winter."  
  
"Yeah? What?"  
  
"I'm keepin' this rating PG, lady."  
  
"Da-"  
  
"NO CURSING!"  
  
"Shi-"  
  
"NO! You don't stop cursing, I'm gonna bit oof those ears o' yers!"  
  
"Fine." At the same time, John had a very odd look in his eyes.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yessssss."  
  
"Are you Gollum?"  
  
"Yessssss, gollum."  
  
"Fu-"  
  
"NO CURSING! Bad Caran!"  
  
"Fine. Flip off." Celeborn droned on, then Galadriel. Unsmartly, Tom peered over the edge and then immeadately leapt forward, landing on Galadriel. He began hyperventilating. He scrambled off Galadriel, but sat as far from the edges as he could and assumed the 'tornado drill position'. Caran sighed, shook his head, and went over to his friend. He put a hand on his friend's shoulder and shook the shoulder. Tom bit the hand, hard enough to make it bleed. Caran bit his lower lip, until it started bleeding as well. He started cursing loudly.  
  
Aragorn came over and clapped a hand to the Elf's mouth. He gave Caran a serious look that pretty much said, "Shut up and let me look at your wounds, or I'll be biting off those ears of yours." Caran nodded and Aragorn removed his hand.  
  
Taking the Elf's hand gingerly (there wasn't exacty tons of unbitten space), he shook his head. He turned to the lower lip next. Placing a hand under the Elf's chin, he inspected the small cut.  
  
"Where you bit your lip should just scab over and heal, not even leaving a scar. But you need that hand bandaged," he announced. Celeborn whispered something in Galadriel's ear that sent them both laughing. Celeborn motioned to an Elf, who came forward with a large, heavy object in his hand.  
  
~~*~~*~~  
  
Caran put his uninjured hand on a lump on the back of his head. He looked around and noted the trees. He was on a bed. There were many other beds near him. On the closet was a female Elf with light brown hair and eyes to match. Caran looked at his bitten hand and saw a bloodstained bandage. Celeborn strode from the shadows in one corner, the setting sun shining on his silver hair, making it seem copper. Caran closed his eyes against the glare off the Elf-lord's hair. When he opened his eyes, he saw a very guilty pair of green eyes below red brows and stray bits of curly, red hair looking into his near-black blue ones.  
  
"Tom?" he asked.  
  
"John, listen, I'm sorry. You know how I am about heights," the Hobbit said, using his friend's real name. Caran stared at the eyes, now noticing for the first time that the right one was many shades darker than the left one (N/n: actually they are, it's cool, makes me feel special). Caran laughed.  
  
"Have you forgotten already, TOM?" he broke out laughing. Tom turned his head (ya know, like a dog) and furrowed his brow. That made Caran laugh harder. He began hyperventilating. Tom looked at his friend in concern and turned to find Celeborn or Haldir or someone of the like. Caran clasped a hand to his chest and resumed normal breathing as Tom started to walk off. "You call me 'John.'"  
  
"Well, Caran IS a bit long."  
  
"But it's better than 'Car.'" Tom now broke out laughing. Caran hopped off the bed (yes, we mean HOPPED, not crawled like the old geezer in "Young Frankenstein") and laughed again. Tom lead him down a ladder, up several flights of stairs, then up a ladder to a smaller flet with two beds on it. Caran looked around, a look of confusion on his face. Tom pulled out a map and laughed in a very red-necked way. He hollered in Caran's direction and ran down the ladder, stairs, several more ladders, then up two flights of stairs, and one final ladder. They came to a flet with eleven couch-like beds. It was completely dark by then. Tom let out a sigh.  
  
"That was close."  
  
"What was?"  
  
"We almost ended up in Celeborn and Galadriel's room. Do you know what happens at night 'round there?"  
  
"Do I want to?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Both (switching off each sentence): *pant, pant* finally! We haven't been in the same city for ages, first it was Hawaii then New Zealand/Scotland then Virginia Beach. But we're back and wrote this! Will you review? Pwease? We'll pay!  
  
Nick: See? We have Legolas  
  
John: Frodo  
  
Nick: Aragorn  
  
John: and Boromir. They each come with a nice, shiny instrument..except maybe Legolas  
  
Legolas: *grabs golden flute from Nick, who was being like Gollum with it, and cleans off the streaks* 


	6. Of Lothlorien, Gifts, Allison Krauss, Wi...

Disclaimer: We own ourselves; Nick owns his sick little mind; Carolyn owns hers (and her priude in being a Gimli fangirl...*shudder*); John owns his; Willie Nelson and Allison Krauss (did I spell that right?) own themselves; we don't own any songs here; Tolkien owns everything else *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* -----*-----Lothlorien-----*----- Caran yawned and streched. He blinked and looked at where he'd managed to roll himself during the night...on to the floor. He yawned again, mumbling about caffiene. He grabbed a blanket and rolled himself in it, falling back asleep. Tom woke up and looked toward Caran. He shook his head, looking around. He grabbed his pack, checking in it for any food (and to make sure the trombone was still in there...YES it did go in there). He threw out a book, making it hit Caran on the head. Caran opened and eye and growled slightly, edging towards the unsuspecting Hobbit. "Aha! Told ya so, Hugo!" Tom yelled as he pulled out a light blue circle and placed it on a tree. "What's that?" Caran asked. Tom smiled. "A hole. Two uses only, sadly. Connects to Earth," Tom said, still smiling. Caran jumped up. "Can ya bring Carolyn in here?" Tom nodded. "Do! Do!" Tom nodded and reached in the hole. He pulled out a very disgruntled looking girl with brown-blonde hair, glasses, and blue eyes. "Carolyn!" Caran said as he launched himself towards her. She ran from her (slightly crazy, long-haired, blonde) friend, allowing him to hit the ground. He stood up and dusted himself off. "Good to see you too," Caran said, slightly growling. Carolyn smiled. "Okay, so why am I here?" she said, not noticing much yet. Tom grinned. "Welcome to Middle-'Arth," he said. Carolyn's eye grew wide and her mouth fell open. "Lothlorien to be exact. Now, I am not Nick for I am Tom. He is Caran, not John." Carolyn nodded. "Then I shall be Brass," she said. Tom smiled. He pointed to the sleeping Dwarf. "And there's Gimli." Brass shook her head. "But...but...hold on, buddy. So, Ni--er, Tom, you've become a Hobbit it seems." Tom nodded, smiling. "But Caran, he looks no different." Caran pushed back the hair around his ears, revealing his ears. Brass gasped. "An Elf. Therefore...I must be a..Dwarf." She looked at her feet and found heavy boots instead of her normal mountian boots. She smiled and nodded. "Good, good." She shot a looking at the sleeping form of Gimli. "Real?" Her friends nodded. She pointed to the others and asked, "Real?" as well, getting the same response. She grabbed the blanket from Caran and curled up in it, soon falling asleep on the floor. Caran groaned. "What have you gotten us into, Tom?" he said. Tom shrugged and closed his eyes, humming the tune to "Seven Deadly Virtues". Caran looked around for a blanket and, finding none, curled up on the floor and fell asleep quickly. --*--MORNING!! *alarm clock rings*--*-- Tom streched, rubbing a kink in his neck. He got out of bed, still rubbing the kink. He yelped as someone bit his foot. "Oh, sorry Car--Brass. Kinda forgot you were there," he said groggily. Brass growled. Caran's head appeared at the ladder of the flet. "Wakies! Time to GIT YER RUDY 'IDES OUTTA BED!" he said. Tom blinked. "Too much time with the tuba, eh?" he whispered toward the floor, where Brass sat. Caran turned to him, glaring. "I 'EARD THAT!" Tom shrunk away. Caran took a deep breath and shook his head. "Let's go find some food!" Tom and Brass nodded. On the ground, Caran turned to them. "Nick, let me ask something." "Shoot," Tom said casually. "Do we have...powers?" "Yep. Author Powers." "Duuuuude!" He snapped his fingers, instantly trimming his hair short. "Um...John...buddy...what in the name of all things good are you doing?" "You'll see." He snapped his fingers again, making his hair return to its former length. "Don't give the poor Elves a heartattack, John! Or Gimli! Or Pippin!" Brass said. Caran cast her a look and snapped his finger once more. Brass's old Dwarf clothes were replaced by a blue dress. She growled and snapped her fingers, changing them back to the way they were before. Caran continued playing with his powers, causing many things to change and a platypus to appear. He never did get rid of that platypus. "If you guys are done playing, I'd like to find food." Caran laughed and led his friends up a ladder to a large flet. Tom's eyes grew wide at the sight of so much food. Forgetting his fear of heights, he launched himself at the food. Brass shook her head, sighing heavily. As Tom paused to breath, Brass grabbed a few apples and stuffed them in random pockets. Caran drug a chair to a corner and sat, watching the Hobbit. Tom eventually finished, smiling happily and brushing bits of food off his sleeves. "Well, we should find 'em, eh?" Tom said. Brass nodded and climbed down the aldder without a single word. "See ya tonight!" Caran called as he also climbed down. Looking around, Tom saw an Elf sitting in the shadows. Smiling, he whispered something to himself. --*--THAT NIGHT, whee--*-- Tom streched, taking off his glasses and setting them beside the bed. He looked to Caran, who was yawning widely. "Where d'ya get the clothes?" Tom asked, noting Caran's new shiny, clean, white bedclothes. "Elves here. Also gave some to Legolas," he explained. Tom nodded and pulled a dook from under his pillow. --*--WHEN THEY LEAVE (whoo dee doo)--*-- Galadriel handed everyone their gifts, except Tom and Caran (Brass's gift was Gimli). She turned to them with empty hands. "Don't we get anything?" Caran asked. "Well, there were a couple of humans that have been here a while," Galadriel said. "We'll take 'em!" Tom shouted. Galadriel disappeared for a second them came back dragging an unhappy Willie Nelson. Tom's jaw fell open. "Willie Nelson," he gasped. He ran towards him. "Mr. Nelson! Mr. Nelson! Hey, hey, I'm Tom Took." Galadriel left and soon reappeared with an equally unhappy Allison Krauss. Caran ran up to her. "Hullo, Miss Krauss. Good day, eh?" Eventually, they managed to leave Lothlorien. Somehow they managed to fit the expanded Fellowship of thirteen in four boats. Aragorn, Frodo, and Sam were in the first; Boromir, Merry, and Pippin in the second; Legolas, Gimli, and Brass in the third, along with the supplies; and Caran, Tom, Willie, and Allison in the last boat. --*--GOIN' DOWN THE RIVER (row, row, row your boat...)--*-- "Hey, Mr. Nelson, can you sing a song?" Tom asked, rowing in the bow (N/n: my favorite place ^_^). Willie and Allison were sitting in the middle, trying to ignore both Caran and Tom. Tom splashed water on the red-haired man. "Can you please sing a song, Mr. Nelson?" "No," Willie said definately. Caran groaned. "He's gonna sing," he said. And indeed, Tom did sing. He sang every bit of every Johnny Cash song he knew. It went something like this:  
  
I fell in to a burnin' ring of fire, I went down, down, down and the flames rose higher, Now it burns, burns, burns, the ring of fire, the ring of fire.[1] Well, my daddy left home when I was three, An' he didn't leave much to Ma 'n' me, Just this ol' guitar and an empty bottle o' booze. Now, I don't blame him 'cause he ran an' hid, But the meanest thing he ever did, Was right before he left, he named me 'Sue.'[2] My Name is Sue! How do you do? Now you're gonna die![3] Daddy sang bass, mama sang tenor, me 'n' little brother joined in, Oh the circle, won't be broken.[4] And because you are mine, I walk the line [5] Flesh and blood needs flesh and blood and you're the one I need.[6]  
  
Willie looked at the Hobbit. "You sounded like Cash there." Caran looked up at the sky, hoping that Tom would not show off his amazing vocal talents. "Thanks, sir. I can do most any other voice." Unluckily for Caran, Tom did in fact show off his vocal talents. His range went from Toby Keith to Merle Haggard to Willie Nelson (much to Willie's amazement) to Vince Gill and beyond. By the time he shut up, they had reached the bank near Amon Hen. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* [1]: from "Ring Of Fire" [2]: from "A Boy Named Sue" [3]: from "A Boy Named Sue" [4]: from "Daddy Sang Bass" [5]: from "I Walk The Line" [6]: from "Flesh And Blood" *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Hehehe, we're baaaaaack! 


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